You've Got Mail

The hardest gift to accept is the one that stares back at you daily. It switches back and forth between pain and joy, and can disappoint your coin flipping heart when it lands on the opposite side. You want it to stay still, but it changes when you’re not looking. It didn’t even ask for your permission.

The hardest gift to accept is the one that isn’t wrapped in a perfect package, or delivered when you are ready. It cannot be returned with sufficient postage, because no one else sent it. You addressed it to yourself years ago. Maybe you forgot. It didn’t.

Keep fighting it. You’ll never win. So listen. Pay attention. It has something to say.

Happy Halloween...

from our little monkey.

Choice

orange and lavender sky
silver wings aflame
the shell of herself burning
new skin without a name

thoughts freefalling
the walls of despair
crumbling against
what is there

Little Healer

 

Beyond Love

sun and moon
rise and fall
sharing space
to shine

Recurrence

when pain is a path
when wishing for wellness
trust is a therapy
sold in the self

****

Over the last few months I have not responded to comments. This has been intentional. Perhaps you will understand with this.

Some of my posts have been very dark. I am here now, with this wisdom, with this love, with this trust because of my experience. Thank you for your support.

Life is a cycle. Lives are cycles. I have been given this incredible chance to suffer, and learn. I will continue to suffer if I do not trust myself.

Here is to trust, and to the experiences that continue to inspire us, our writings, and each other.

Enough

thirst no rain
the empty vessel cracks open
with tears of abundance
as clouds drift away

Witness

ripples disrupt the stillness
circles meet each other
midway
the birth of a babe
rebirth of our center
together alone
the river records movement
blessing change

One

11 years ago, I promised the ocean, the moon, and you that I would love you forever. Love is not the hard part. Forgiveness is.

We freeze the room with our looks, and sting each other with words. I can’t feel the pain anymore, and sometimes desire to find the sharpest object near me to convince me that I’m alive.

I am not dead yet. Last night the darkness crept silently into the room and threatened to poison my heart against you. It promised release from the madness and loneliness.

I will not leave. How can I leave when the ocean is humankind’s heart beating, when the moon is the light in our souls we choose to turn off during our darkest hours?

You and I and the ocean and the moon and the universe all possess the same knowledge. How arrogant of me to believe that I can forgive, and you cannot. Ask any one of us, my love, and we will tell you, we will show you the way to forgiveness. There are no directions on how to get there. It is in your heart.

Find it, find yourself, and there you will find me.

Let Love In

My mother tells me he’s the perfect guy; a husband who has been there (unlike her own). What she doesn’t know is that he looks past me. I am a ghost, veiling the woman he married eight years ago. The true me is too painful for us all. I have shut the door to his loved ones, and even him.

I am slowly trying to reopen doors in my heart that I have kept closed for so long. Sometimes I feel like it is too late. Just when I think he’s inviting me again, the lights are out and nobody’s home.

“Let love in!” I scream silently. My hands are bruised from knocking so hard; my head is bent in shame; my heart is worn from trying again and again.

I walk away in silence as I promise the little girl inside that I am not leaving. I will never leave her again.

Away

curling into you
drinking your shore
thirsty for joy
i beg the moon
to let me stay

receding away
to gallons of love
an ocean of me
ribbons of silver
remind me

the moon had lovers, too