Love

swimming in blue Egyptian cotton waves
bathing in a waterfall of warmth
the droplets cling to me
as goddess energy permeates
my pores, my flesh, my blood

today I awake with love
nurtured through introspection
and my daughter’s smile
I burst with gratitude
for the gift of maternal intuition
the clear signal she sends me
through the static of others

no longer will I beg them for scraps
for fragments of approval
that can never complete
my picture of love

I am already there

Emotions

Acne or white hair when you’re trying to look your best.
Junk spilling out of the closet when you want to hide it away.

They find ways to pop up, spill out , despite your best suppression.
Invite them to the table. Sit down, have a drink. Would you like something to eat?

They will stop feasting on you. There satiety is your sanity.

Your demons are your angels in disguise.

The Child

earth at her feet
flowers in hand
awareness of life
connected to land

Metamorphose

The fog is dense, impermeable to any ray of light or new thought. Clouds of pain and anger and sadness have saturated this thirty three year old mind. The downpour of thoughts pounds the borders of the brain, and my head is too heavy to carry.

I have given Them too much power, too much space in my cranium. The locusts infest neurons trying to form new synapses, trying to create new roads away from anxiety and depression. Where is that damn pesticide when you need it?

Unfortunately, the pesticide also kills the host, and I want to live. The largest pest has been my inability to forgive, to let the light penetrate layers of deception formed through years of blame. The old memories are trapped inside plaques of scar tissue. Old neurons died because I refused to remember Them as benevolent caregivers. The child inside has held on to many expectations, many poisonous vines that almost succeeded in choking her to death. A victim’s death.

I was a caterpillar cold in her cocoon.

I am a butterfly free to spread her wings and feel the exhilaration of weightlessness. I am a colorful creature free to love Them again.

I have a choice. I choose to be a butterfly.

She Never Liked Dolls

she never liked dolls
those lifeless forms with vacant eyes
that could never see you
because you were alive

she never liked dolls
until she was sucked dry
dehydrated by virus and fever
to a toddler shell

she looks past me
tracing something in the air
invisible kite floating away
the colors of her life leaving

a sick toddler behind
a doll in her mother’s arms
waiting to get well
to live again

with a kiss I infuse her
with my life and my blood
as she takes a step
towards her life and that kite

she never liked dolls