Love Affair

I thought I already knew the way to touch and satisfy myself most intimately.

Only the surface of pleasure.

At thirty four, I tease and caress myself with discovery of emotions. Not even the rise in my breasts or the curve of my hips can satisfy me the way they do.

Today, I knew exactly when and why my mood shifted. When the first light peeked over the hills and opened its weary eyes reluctantly to morning. When the first gray cloud filled with sadness shyly appeared from behind the sky blue curtain, and asked the others to follow. When the first tear fell, terrified of letting go. When ultraviolet cracked open to bleed her spirit one last time before darkness. When a white dream ascended to dig a whole into tomorrow.

My psychology, my karma, my relationships with others are here shifting geometrically into the next kaleidoscope moment.

I am in the past, present, and future

and in between.

Happy Anniversary.

It has been two years today since I first started this blog. Instead of posting my own work, I would like to introduce you to my successor, a new communicator in the world and perhaps a future writer.

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Num - Yum. Anything she loves, like her favorite food cooked and blessed by Nani, computer games or singing with Mummy, or being turned upside down by Papa.

Nya – I want to go over there. Amazing how children use one word, one sound to say so much. She makes sure she points her finger in the direction of where she wants to go.

Bup - Bird. She first discovered birds on the beach where I grew up.

Dook – Her Grandfather showed her two mallards near our home, and she was able to associate them with a picture of ducks she sees in her picture books.

Dada! – She really loves her Grandfather. On a family trip, she could barely say Papa or Mama without interjecting Dada! a bazillion times.

Dun – When the food is gone, when the toys are put away, she says this with her hands turning back and forth as if she is waiting for her palms to be filled with something else.

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Thank you to all of you who swam with me, and some of you who still do. I hope I have been able to heal you in some small but profound way.

Mermaid

Insomnia

subconscious mind bleeding dreams
an adult child
defenseless

ask them who i am
cry
the mind is sinking

tell them who I am
sleep
floating in a dream

I am safe
open door
free to fly

a lock is meant to fall

Here

humidity curls our hair
black waves rolling to the sea
to aquamarine fingers parting clouds
reaching for the heavens
loving the earth
knowing ourselves
finding eternity

Standstill

the water’s edge
no where to go
but watch the waves
turning
different speeds
we all break
against the line
faceless
one infinite ommm
resounding time

The Namesake

I watched The Namesake today. I learned that it is OK to stay suspended between two worlds. I do not belong to either one.

My favorite scene was when a father says to his son, “I hope you remember this day for a long time. Today we went as far as we could go, until we could go no further.”

They were standing on some rocks overlooking the ocean.

Listen

one clear sound
in a sea of noise
drown the static
hear your voice

one wave rising
as doubt falls
truth breaking
down your walls

listen