being where you are

Just today, i was thinking how far i have come with my mom. Then, she said something and i exploded. After some time, i remembered i was engaging in false speech, and sat in silence to reflect on my words. Something inside me needed to release all the hurt, and i lashed out again.

In the past, i would have felt horrible, and nailed myself to my own cross for days. i did not feel good about what happened, but knew i had progressed a bit in forgiving myself. i am where i am. Sometimes i wish that my relationship with her were different, that she was sharing some of this insight work, that i was kinder and more patient.

Sometimes it is enough to share these words, to be where i am, knowing nothing else but now.