Awakening

Awakening may not be
Christ’s Ascension or Buddha’s Enlightenment,
but a woman begging for food, for answers,
starving till she is filled with bodily sensations-
muscles twitching in fear
acid refluxing in anger
a heart soft with love.

Awakening may not be
eternal peace or the absence of pain
but a woman embracing her emotions
as orphaned children in her bosom,
her body their temple of refuge,
space to be free
and loved unconditionally.

being where you are

Just today, i was thinking how far i have come with my mom. Then, she said something and i exploded. After some time, i remembered i was engaging in false speech, and sat in silence to reflect on my words. Something inside me needed to release all the hurt, and i lashed out again.

In the past, i would have felt horrible, and nailed myself to my own cross for days. i did not feel good about what happened, but knew i had progressed a bit in forgiving myself. i am where i am. Sometimes i wish that my relationship with her were different, that she was sharing some of this insight work, that i was kinder and more patient.

Sometimes it is enough to share these words, to be where i am, knowing nothing else but now.

If the World

if the world is fire
i am water
if the world is anger
i am forgiveness
if the world is suffocating
i am a breath
if the world is gone
i will stay and say
i tried

i wrote this a few years ago and bring it back for Earth Day. Today I was just thinking how i resist change, and how i thirst for it when i am board. Change or not, the Earth sustains me and loves me. i vow to live life loving her.

35

There is a war
between imminent future threats
and burdened past regrets
my mind is unsettled
how to declare a truce?

There is a woman
who has let fear
come oh so near
frighten love away
from her heart.

There is a space
where thoughts float free
don’t bother me
and letting go
is a choice.

There are these words
to reach all lands
to join our hands
may suffering be
a door to love.

(inspired by my family)