Why do you stay in prison
when the door is so wide open?
Move outside the tangle of fear-thinking.
Live in silence.
Flow down and down in always
widening rings of being.
-Rumi
Growing up, I used to give up easily on things. Whether it was the voice of others or the voice of fear inside my head, I would tell myself repeatedly, “It’s too hard.”
It comes as no shock to me that I have approached mindfulness with the same attitude. It’s too hard. I’m never going to get this. I am doomed to live in my own prison, to repeat the same patterns of suffering again and again and again.
Or am I?
This morning as I sat in meditation, I was acutely aware of my body leaning forward as thoughts pushed me into the future. “Why are you sitting here just breathing? We need to plan for things. We need to get things done. We need to move, now!”
There was another presence with me, a sort of deep anchor holding me still despite the waves of thought as I sat on the sea of my cushion. I could feel the warm air of my breath move through me and embrace me with a compassionate hug. Another voice arose. “You are doing it. You are returning again and again.”
The second voice came straight from my heart. For a moment, I did not feel like I needed to change anything.
I heard the song of a bird outside. I am free to fly anywhere, and return to this moment. Trying does not involve any great effort.
For me, it is no longer a kick in the butt to pay attention, or a harsh judgmental voice shouting through my thoughts to do something.
It’s the ocean calling through my breath. “You are safe here. Thank you for coming back. Thank you for trying again.”
10 comments:
Thank you for trying again.
What an uplifting and hope-filled post.
Love Renee xoxo
Everyday I am attempting to live in that ocean and be free, at peace. Today I have managed it and
so have you :-).
:) we are all worth it...the trying again.
Renee, hope is a good thing.
Annie, the day did change. It gave me another opportunity to return again.
Sky, yes, we are. Thank you for including everyone.
This is such a beautiful, poignant post. And the comments are so thoughtful and compassionate. I had not heard this poem of Rumi's and I thought I had heard them all. I had a vision once in a meditation that was just like this: I was sitting in a jail cell, terrified. I got up to hold onto the iron rods and the door just opened. I realized then I had been both the jailer and the jailed! It was a tremendous moment of freedom and release for me. Thank you so very much for this post.
In gratitude, I have an award for you on my blog. Please visit and then you can choose to pass it on or just enjoy it. xo diantha
Beautiful post. Good for you for listening to that comforting and encouraging voice instead of the bossy, stick in the mud one. Thank you for the Rumi quote. It was something that I needed to read. Really filled my spirit.
Diantha, thank you for the award. I am touched. Meditation is so wonderful, especially when I don't expect it to be anything other than just sitting. It's when I am most pleasantly surprised.
Jill, I hope to listen to that voice more often, though I hear more from the former voice.
Again, Ms. M, you use one of my favorite Rumi quotes. Oh, the prisons we create for ourselves! How nice to read your process with this. I love the notion of a deep anchor holding you in well-being on your sea cushion. What a vivid and touching image. The notion of breath as ocean is wonderful too. As I look out over the Bay on which I live, I can feel this "ocean" breath course through me as well. The rhythm of waves do that for me....May you feel safe and loved today, my friend.
Jan, glad you like the anchor. It really does help when life threatens to blow us off course, doesn't it?
The first morning I woke up in my husband's hospital room your words came to mind. Trying again. Another chance to do, be, live so many things.
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